80’s CANCER JAM OF THE DAY:
FIRST THEY GET YOU HOOKED, THEN THEY HANG YOU OUT TO DRY
I started out this breast cancer blogging journey innocently enough. Like most of you, I wanted to share my journey, meet others in my situation, and just have a little fun along the way. Then I met the drug dealer on the playground I like to call “Stats”. You’ve heard of this guy. He gives you a free taste of blog success and then yanks it away faster than you can disable the cocaine lever in a lab rat’s cage. Soon your stats page looks something like this:
Don’t give me that condescending, holier than thou eye roll. I hear you. “Oh, I never check my stats. I do this purely for the enlightenment and camaraderie. That’s pathetic.” Blah, Blah, Blah. You know you check every day, at least once, to see how many people have come to their senses and realized that you are the next Hemingway, or at least Tina Fey. And your little face lights up when you see that beautiful orange box at the top of the page, beckoning you to come see who liked you or cared enough to leave a comment.
I know it takes time and patience to build an audience, and I’m fine with that. Well, not really, but let’s say I am. Still, I can’t help but feel a pang of disappointment when my only visitor of the day is from a tribal village in Uganda. And she was actually looking for “Breast Piercings”, not “Breast Cancer”. It’s not that I begrudge others’ success. Some people have very witty, original or just plain inspiring things to say out there. They deserve their massive, loyal following and their 57 blog awards. But then there are the others that make you wonder, “WTF?!?”
Tell me if you’ve ever come across this scenario:
RANDOM FICTIONAL POST
My pet aardvark Lola is having gender reassignment surgery in the morning. You, her loving fans, know how she has struggled with her sexual identity all these months! She will henceforth be called “Lou”. It’s a difficult surgery, as they have to attach her new penis through her pouch. Everybody send hugs and prayers her way.
Posted: 5 minutes ago Likes: 7,945
RANDOM SAMPLE READER COMMENT:
“Oh, Lola, Godspeed! You have been my inspiration and my guiding light. I worship you. I adore you. I have nominated you for 36 awards, including 2014 ‘Blog of the Year’. I know it’s not 2014 yet, but who could possibly top you?”
And, as if that’s not bad enough, you come across a blog that does inspire you. You are moved to show your appreciation to the author in a sincere, well thought out comment. And you get the following reply:
And you think to yourself, “I hope Lola gets ball cancer.”