From Breast Cancer Blogger To Stats Whore: A Confession

80’s CANCER JAM OF THE DAY:

FIRST THEY GET YOU HOOKED, THEN THEY HANG YOU OUT TO DRY

I started out this breast cancer blogging journey innocently enough. Like most of you, I wanted to share my journey, meet others in my situation, and just have a little fun along the way. Then I met the drug dealer on the playground I like to call “Stats”. You’ve heard of this guy. He gives you a free taste of blog success and then yanks it away faster than you can disable the cocaine lever in a lab rat’s cage. Soon your stats page looks something like this:

mom_graph_sketchy

 

Don’t give me that condescending, holier than thou eye roll. I hear you. “Oh, I never check my stats. I do this purely for the enlightenment and camaraderie. That’s pathetic.” Blah, Blah, Blah. You know you check every day, at least once, to see how many people have come to their senses and realized that you are the next Hemingway, or at least Tina Fey. And your little face lights up when you see that beautiful orange box at the top of the page, beckoning you to come see who liked you or cared enough to leave a comment.

I know it takes time and patience to build an audience, and I’m fine with that. Well, not really, but let’s say I am. Still, I can’t help but feel a pang of disappointment when my only visitor of the day is from a tribal village in Uganda. And she was actually looking for “Breast Piercings”, not “Breast Cancer”. It’s not that I begrudge others’ success. Some people have very witty, original or just plain inspiring things to say out there. They deserve their massive, loyal following and their 57 blog awards. But then there are the others that make you wonder, “WTF?!?”

Tell me if you’ve ever come across this scenario:

RANDOM FICTIONAL POST

3573999469_6e8b52e12c_mMy pet aardvark Lola is having gender reassignment surgery in the morning. You, her loving fans, know how she has struggled with her sexual identity all these months! She will henceforth be called “Lou”. It’s a difficult surgery, as they have to attach her new penis through her pouch. Everybody send hugs and prayers her way.

Posted: 5 minutes ago               Likes: 7,945

Comments: 198

 

RANDOM SAMPLE READER COMMENT:

“Oh, Lola, Godspeed! You have been my inspiration and my guiding light. I worship you. I adore you. I have nominated you for 36 awards, including 2014 ‘Blog of the Year’. I know it’s not 2014 yet, but who could possibly top you?”

And, as if that’s not bad enough, you come across a blog that does inspire you. You are moved to show your appreciation to the author in a sincere, well thought out comment. And you get the following reply:

“Neat”

And you think to yourself, “I hope Lola gets ball cancer.”

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “From Breast Cancer Blogger To Stats Whore: A Confession

  1. Hysterically funny! The next big thing! I can’t wait to hear about you on TMZ! Seriously, I want to meet the aardvark (or the person who thought to volunteer her for gender reassignment). Wait until David Letterman hears this. . . . It could happen.

  2. Too funny! Oh this hit a nerve with me. I’m a scientist and stats mean everything. How many times a day is it acceptable to check the Stats status? I liked this post so much I’m going to reblog it….sadly I only have a few followers to date, so it won’t help your stats much!

  3. You are very funny, I think I’m all caught up now. I hate that this has happened to you but shit happens. I look forward to reading the rest of your journey. Actually, that’s a stupid BC phrase. I look forward to hearing whatever else you write.

    • Thanks so much for reading, Linda. I’m just taking it one day at a time and trying to keep life as normal as possible for my kids. They know me as a crazy person, so no change so far:)

  4. Pingback: If You Unfollow Me…I’ll Unfollow You | NOWHERE TO RUN

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s